I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
