Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
