Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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