I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
