we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
