well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
