I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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