Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
