I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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