yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
