I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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