Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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