we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
