you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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