Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
