We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
