Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
