Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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