drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
