awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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