Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
