Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
