it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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