i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
