And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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