this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This baby is an asshole
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
