just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
