I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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