Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Randomize
