this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
