do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Found your dick twin last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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