he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
