so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
