so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize