You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
