Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
