and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
