Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
