so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you win again, gameday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
