I think I died a long time ago.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
