how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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