time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
