So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
