Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
