oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
