onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize