I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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