i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
