My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
