I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
