I skipped work to stalk him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
