We named our party play list daddy issues
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
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