Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize