Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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