margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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