After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
