So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
