we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
