it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
