is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
