I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
