Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
