I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
