Apparently you make a good broom.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Enjoy the penises
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
