Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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