Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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