If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Terrible idea I love it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
