the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
