dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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