I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
