Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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