the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
