I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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