mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
