ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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