It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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