i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
