I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
