Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
