I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
