I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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