I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
