Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
