I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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