if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
birth control should be required to get into college
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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