you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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