I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
