saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
