That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
