woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
