you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
