just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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