I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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