roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
