Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
