youre lurking in front of me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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