So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
