whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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