Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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