took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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