I am puke
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
