he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wanna go halves on a baby?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
