i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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