i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize