his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
