apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
