I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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