im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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