I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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