Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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